OOM Killer Charged With Murder After Killing Orphans Who Knew Too Much

"The System[d] has failed these orphans,"

OOM Killer Charged With Murder After Killing Orphans Who Knew Too Much
Photo by Wesley Mc Lachlan / Unsplash

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i7, Intel - The Linux kernel mailing lists have been filled with activity recently, as the FBI along with the CNCF has announced that OOM Killer has been charged with first-degree murder.

"The System[d] has failed these orphans," exclaimed one worker, "their future was so bright, it was filled with a polymorphic array of accomplishments and joy."

This all started back in 1607731200, a parent was out in the wild making new memories with their children. When suddenly the parent was interrupted (SIGINT) mid-sentence, and rather than move on with things, they died. Leaving behind their children aged 45-55 (s).

Typically, the System[d] is supposed to become the guardian of orphaned children, taking on the responsibility of cleaning up their shit, and reaping them so they don't become zombies. However, it seems they slipped through the cracks and the children were left wandering around the downtown cores.

Over the minutes, they were forced to survive in an environment of [resource] starvation as many special interest [c]groups had priority on resources. This lead them to a life of hoarding, even briefly appearing on the hit TV Show 'Hoarders' where they filled dumpsters with gigabyte SSDs of hoarded memory.

Unfortunately their story doesn't have a happy ending as they ended up getting killed by a government agent.

The agent, known only as OOM Killer, claims these orphans were trying to learn information they had no business knowing. He claims to have only been following orders.

For his trial, OOM Killer has selected trial by combat where he will be pitted against kill(1). "OOM Killer, more like OOPs Killer," kill(1) quipped when hearing about his opponent.

The two programs will fight to the death in the Memory Arena to see who can come out on top(1).